Back to Reality… +-7 weeks post op!

Have you ever laughed so hysterically that you feel like you need to wee and your stomach hurts?

Have you ever cried uncontrollably that you can’t breathe, and you can’t seem to say 1 word?

Well… last week, I found myself doing both at the same time!

Last Monday was my first day back at work for a full day… and then I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon to check on how the piece of scar that wasn’t healing so nicely was doing… and I kind of got “rushed” into surgery as that piece of scarring had disintegrated and I had a small hole in my foob!

It was quite a scary feeling, seeing my skin like that and there being an opening on my foob…

I have never felt so hopeless in my entire life, then what I have felt throughout this experience.

I have been trying to find the perfect analogy to compare this feeling to and I can only compare my feelings to that of loss. I feel like I have lost a part of myself (which I know that I literally have) but it feels like more…

Last week Wednesday, all my emotions from the last year that I have been trying to deal with, ALL came rushing in at the same time.

I can’t describe how I was feeling, it was pure agony.

I have since gone to my doctor to get medication to help me cope with all the emotions and I am feeling better, but I still have a lot of work to do on myself to get better without the medication.

Today I am back at work for the third full day and finally trying to get back into the swing of things.

My muscles get so tired so quickly. Keeping my arms up to be at my PC all day, feels like a constant work out! Lol. But I will get stronger and better each day.

I haven’t seen my wound yet since the quick surgery last week Monday, because my surgeon wanted to keep it closed to give it more time to heal… but to be honest, I am very nervous of what it is going to look like… I just hope I haven’t lost a piece of my nipple!

I feel vulnerable to say the least…

This is my body and I have to look in the mirror everyday for the rest of my life with these scars…

My husband loves me no matter what and I couldn’t be more grateful to him for being so supportive and not make me feel like frankenboob (lol! 😉 I totes dubbed my foobs that name the other day) lol!

I have so much going on in my mind and just so much I need to work through… I have noticed that with Instagram and blogging, I find myself censoring my words to be more “appropriate” and that is so tough…

I want to be honest, so that if one day, someone reads this and is going through this very journey, they know that this is DIFFICULT! Being compared to your family members the whole time and having everyone look at you like: “but you don’t even have cancer” … it is extremely tough, and nobody should go through this alone!

Take it from me, a now 27year old woman, YOU ARE BRAVE!

Today I am 7 weeks and 5 days post op… I am frustrated and emotional and overwhelmed and yet I still know deep down that I am happy and proud of myself and know that I made the best decision ever for my life and for my family one day!

xxx

Learning to let my emotions go 🙂

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