My “new normal”…

I have been seeing this saying around so much on social media lately.

I thought about it now and thought, I want to write down what I feel is my new normal (well temporary normal, until my exchange surgery next year, 2020) … I take a handful of tablets every morning and every night to keep my pain at bay and try and keep my mind in a good place.

My depression kicks me down every time I think I am getting better, but I think that will take time, I shouldn’t push myself to be OK all of a sudden without the assistance of medication and outside help.

My new normal…

It has been 6 and a half months since my initial surgery and I have finally finished my expander fills but I cannot sleep without my Preggie pillow, My foobs feel sooo heavy every single morning I get out of bed… until my exchange surgery, I may not run or jump etc, I have to take it easy because infections are still possible…

I have moments where I am fine and “forget” everything that has happened this last year and then I have moments when I rethink about every step of my journey and cannot believe what I have been through… what we have been through. (my friends & family, my husband, fellow breasties)

My new normal includes struggling with what to wear on a daily basis because of my weight gain (due to my emotional state and not being able to exercise or wanting to most days) and also foobs don’t fill my tops the way my boobs did, so ALL my summer clothing from last year, don’t fit me… we will have to see if they fit my foobs post exchange otherwise, bye-bye to them!

Finding a bra that allows me to wear certain tops without these huge straps sticking out….

Having a constant uni-foob look. LOL

Having back pain and not being able to have my chiropractor help me, because I cannot lie on my front! Talking about that, I have rolled onto my front twice now in the last few days and DAMN that shit hurts AF!!!!! These expanders are like bricks.

One of my friend’s mom went for her Prophylactic double mastectomy this month and she had a different plastic surgeon to what we had (this friend and I had the same surgeons, she is a survivor – a freaking warrior!!) anywho… she had a direct to implant, OVER the muscle and the next day after her surgery I went to visit and she was pulling… yes you heard me! PULLING herself a little bit out of bed. She was still in a hell of a lot of pain, but I am 6 months post op and pulling myself up sometimes still hurts and I cannot do it…

So that was a big difference to the different types of surgeries you can opt for when going through this journey.

Neither of our surgeries is better than the other or anything, just different. No BODY is the same!

My new normal includes me coming to terms with what I see in the mirror. Everyday I try and look at my scars and tell myself that everything is going to be ok and that this isn’t what it is going to look like or even feel like forever!

I have been going through a very rough time with other aspects of my life lately… so I am sorry if I am a little MIA, and I am more saying sorry to myself as well, because these blog posts are so import for ME too! To get everything out!

But more on that another day… 😉


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