I cannot believe it has almost been a year since my initial surgery! HOLY MOLY!
This past year has literally changed me to my core.
I have changed my degree from a Bcomm in Business Marketing and Management, to a Degree in Social Science.
I have just had this entire mind change and life shift through this journey and going through hell and back (mentally and physically)… Please don’t take me saying hell and back as an all bad thing, this experience has made me stronger emotionally and a lot more in tune with my pain threshold and mental abilities.
Honestly it feels like yesterday that I was getting ready for my surgery, but at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. Does that even make sense?? Lol.
Over the last 11 months, we have had to make a lot of adjustments to our lifestyles, “us” referring to myself and my hubby, we have had to make decisions about future babies, our finances, medical aids, work… ahh just so much has happened in the last few months and the last year, its crazy…
I am however filled with hope right now, hubby is back on a good medical aid again and back on his medicine!! whoop whoop! So he is not in constant pain (YAAAY) and I am post exchange surgery and had an amazing experience with that surgery. I am studying something that I have always wanted to study! The best of all is that everything that was all insanely crazy is starting to balance itself out and I can breathe again…
I have a short wait until I am fully in the clear and can run and jump again, just +-2 more months. I can’t wait!!! The weight gain through my depression and the stresses from this journey have been more than I ever expected. But that is temporary, and I have lost it all before, I will do it again!
I am trying to teach my brain to look back at the last 11months and not feel instant “Previvor guilt” and be reminded of the dark times, but rather remember why I did this and how I can make a difference in someone else’s life with my story and my art and who knows in what other ways! 😊
”Previvor Guilt” is feeling like you shouldn’t feel all the emotions and think that your journey wasn’t as bad as someone who went through cancer. Our journeys are very different but have so many similarities. I will always know that having cancer will always have been worse than taking the preventative route! Duh!! Owning your journey and knowing what you went through to make the hardest decision ever, to ask someone to remove a part of your femininity and your body makes you 1 strong ass cookie!!!
We all matter, and we are all ENOUGH! No matter your journey, survivor, previvor, carer, thriver.